It's been almost a week since I watched Jurassic World. Time has not been so generous for the film though. It was enjoyable to some extent because of the meta-commentary about Hollywood and the nature of blockbuster franchises. Still, the longer it's rattled around my brain, the less sense it actually makes. By and large, it really doesn't deserve the slack it gets, especially when it's every bit as stupid as the much maligned Green Lantern.
Just a warning though: SPOILERS! The following piece will bring up a number of specific plot points to highlight how the script seems like the least important part of the film's production, and how it feels like they just made stuff up as they went (which is fine when you're making a movie with your friends, but less so when making a film with a $150 million budget for mass consumption).
Training velociraptors.
A lot has been made of this singular plot element since the beginning. Each version of the trailer made it more and more clear that Chris Pratt's character would be a raptor trainer, and fans were pretty split on it. On the surface, it sounds really, really, really dumb. And in the film, it...is also really, really dumb, but not for that reason.
See, apart from the fact that Owen (Pratt) clearly has no idea how to clicker train an animal, the introduction to this plot thread is actually kind of cool and interesting. It's a new idea that doesn't actually stand out as idiotic. Sure, you have to suspend your disbelief. The argument was always that we train bears and tigers, so why not raptors? This is obviously a stupid sentiment if you know anything about how different these animals' brains are, but Jurassic Park was never about scientific accuracy.
However, this plot thread becomes ridiculous with the way it unfolds. When we're introduced to Owen and the Raptors (band name! called it!), we see how precarious this situation is. The trainers are able to get some desired behavior out of the creatures, but it is a tight rope act. When Owen runs into the pit to save the young guy who fell in, we see him able to calm the raptors - barely, for about ninety seconds. The moment Owen turns his back to run out of the pen, the raptors jump to try and eat him.
This sequence is actually fairly well done, but it establishes a set of rules that the film blatantly ignores later on because it needs to. Not only does this sequence establish the "badassery" of Owen; it also establishes that the raptors are still deadly creatures not to be trifled with. They're only trainable to a certain extent. It is established that Owen can just barely keep them settled and focused for a moment. Basically, it establishes that they're not anywhere near where Vincent D'Onofrio's character seems to think they are.
Then Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) shows up and removes him from the raptors. We don't see Owen interact with them at all for about an hour, maybe even longer. By the time Hoskins (D'Onofrio) forces his hand by forcing him to let the raptors loose, they are suddenly totally obedient to Owen. Nothing happens between these two points with this plot thread. They literally just go from barely controllable to obedient police dogs like that. Owen describes himself as "the alpha" before they're let loose, which I guess makes it so that we're suddenly cool with the fact that these creatures that tried to eat him an hour earlier are now running along side him without even checking him out like he's a possible meal.
The final sequence fairs even worse when the raptors seem like they're going to attack, but really just want him to remove the equipment placed on their faces. I get that the raptors are supposed to trust Owen more than other humans, but this is really idiotic and forced. Even more is the absolute conclusion when after the fight, the remaining raptor looks longingly at Owen, wherein its trainer gives it a "you can't stay here, but you done good, boy!" look, and it takes off. Totally skimping out on an easy meal because... uh... I guess he's really a dog?
It's a pretty glaring issue with the script, and just one of many incredibly contrived plot "developments." Granted, you can't really call anything in the film a "development." It's more like "plot switches," because that's how it works. They establish one set of rules in the first act, then change them completely whenever they need to establish the next big action set piece.
Training raptors could have been a cool plot element - indeed it started as one! - but only if they gave it actual time and focus, and actually allowed it to develop. Instead, they simply go from high risk, barely controllable creatures that tried to eat Chris Pratt to suddenly being Chips the War Dog because they suddenly need them to. (Also, am I really the only person who remembers Chips the War Dog?)
Weaponized Raptors.
If the way they handled the raptor training wasn't enough, the entire plot thread of Hoskins wanting to weaponize the raptors is not even a B-movie plot line. It's the bottom of the barrel, at home on the SyFy channel. I get that this guy was excited at the prospect of weaponizing velociraptors and all, but how stupid was he that he saw what happened in the pen and still thought, "No, this seems good enough!'
I'm also not at all sure why his default plan to stop the indominus rex was to unleash four velociraptors with cameras on their heads. What exactly were they going to do? The indominus rex was bigger, stronger, and faster than a tyrannosaurus rex. There's so much build up to that confrontation that when they finally get to it - after a really stupid psych out - it's over in a flash because, well, it was a really stupid plan. This guy was supposed to be security forces, right? In a world with bombs and machine guns and flame throwers and drones, he honestly felt that a handful of barely trained velociraptors was going to stop a creature that was way bigger and deadlier and smarter?
I know dinosaurs are always presented as bulletproof in the movies, but even the indominus rex didn't seem impervious to bombs or mines. If the goal is to kill the thing, there are many, many, many simpler ways to do it. The entire concept of engineering the disaster to highlight the capabilities of raptors in a battlefield is stupid, and is maybe just one level above Sharknado.
Bottom line here: this plot thread is idiotic and ridiculous. It's over the top. These are the kinds of things that people complain about in The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III. If people can't handle a girl knocking out a raptor using gymnastics, people shouldn't tolerate this plot thread. This kind of nonsense is exactly what the Jurassic Park franchise doesn't need. (Unless we're willing to concede we're in the 1970s Godzilla portion of the franchise's history, in which case, the more idiotic ideas, the better!)
Talking raptors.
Oh yeah, and one final thing about the raptors: the way that they communicate with each other like they're speaking a foreign language is never going to not be stupid. It was a big reason why Jurassic Park III was terrible. It isn't any better here.
To be clear: yes, I understand that animals have means to communicate with each other. Yes, I'm totally ok with the idea of raptors communicating with each other. No, they shouldn't be able to basically "speak" to each other though. One of the big, contrived twists is that the indominus rex is part raptor, so when the humans unleash the raptors on it, the giant monster dino basically tells them to hold on and to attack the humans. And sure enough, they do.
Apart from being super forced to begin with, it also just doesn't make sense. I know I just said at the start that these movies aren't about scientific accuracy and all, but have some god damn respect for your audience and their intelligence. Does anyone really buy the idea that just because this thing has a little raptor DNA in it, they'll suddenly be friends? They can communicate with each other? The indominus rex might have some raptor DNA in it, but it isn't a raptor. (Actually, the entire movie makes me wonder what exactly they think DNA is or does, now that I think about it.)
Problem here is similar to the one with the training: it's not the general idea that is stupid. It's the execution. They go right back to the Stupid Well of raptors that basically "talk to each other" that was stupid in the last movie. And somehow, people now seem fine with it. What?
Everything Indominus Rex can do.
Speaking of contrived plot elements, how about the indominus rex? Yes, its very existence is inherently contrived - after all, it was specifically created to be a bigger, badder, cooler version of the t-rex. But how about the fact that they clearly didn't know what made up the creature until the script needed a new "power." I imagine the conversation went a bit like this:
Trevorrow: So they keep this thing in a pen and they keep track of it with thermals.
Producers: Ok...So how does he get out?
Trevorrow: Well, he disappears and tricks them into thinking it got out.
Producers: How does it trick them if they can track its body heat?
Trevorrow: Well it, uh...it lowers its body temperature!
Producers: What? How?
Trevorrow: They spliced some tree frog in it. Some frogs can lower their body temperature.
Producers: Ok... so then it gets out and people presumably hunt it?
Trevorrow: Yes. They track it and it tricks them too so it can eat the hunters.
Producers: Wait. If it's basically a bigger t-rex, wouldn't it just, ya know, eat them head on?
Trevorrow: Nah, see, this guy is smart. So it lures them to a location and then camouflages itself so the hunters can't see him.
Producers; What? How?
Trevorrow: Well it, uh...it uh...they spliced in some cuttlefish DNA. And cuttlefish can change colors practically on a whim!
Producers: ...ok... So you said something about the raptors hunting him?
Trevorrow: Yeah, see, they track him and are about to attack him, but then turn on the humans instead.
Producers: Why?
Trevorrow: Well, uh.. ummm.... the indominus rex can communicate with them.
Producers: What?
Trevorrow: Yeah! See, it, uh...they spliced some raptor DNA into it, so it's basically like a raptor too.
Producers: (whispering to each other) Wait...is this at all how DNA works, like, at all?
Role playing over. Imagine pitching that at a creative meeting? Point here being: everything they decide the indominus rex can do is merely because they need it to be able to do that thing for some reason, but only in that moment. None of those powers - from the camouflage to the body temperature to the communicating with raptors - comes up at all ever again. They only occur once, when they need it to be able to do something, then a few moments later cut to a conversation with Dr. Wu who explains which animal they randomly spliced DNA from to give it these random powers.
The thing is, would it really have been so much worse if they just had it climb out? Would it have been so much worse if it had just attacked the hunters? They tried so hard to make the thing seem unreasonably intelligent that they made all of these stupid contrivances to accomplish that goal. The indominus rex was basically smarter than the screen writers. It was unnecessary.
If that's not problematic, I don't know what is.
The Indominus Rex is a psychopath.
Owen, in his self-righteous, know-it-all manner, chides Claire and company about the way they've raised the indominus rex. In one weak attempt to make the creature seem like something even remotely different than just an evil movie monster, he explains that these animals can't just be raised in isolation. They learn "social skills" by being around other animals. He tells them that by raising it alone, separated from other animals, they turned it into a psychopath. (His words, not mine!)
There are some major issues here though. Again, I know I said (twice now) that these movies aren't about scientific accuracy, but the beauty of the original film was how it made up bullshit science that was never so blatantly bullshit that it stunk up the entire film. Yes, the whole idea of cloning 65 million year old DNA is silly, but that's about it as far as stretching the science. All the specific inaccuracies about dinosaurs are for visual reasons, not plot ones. It doesn't jump out nearly as much as a result. The cloning thing is a concession they have to make to get the plot. Apart from the whole way raptors communicate and the idea that DNA basically function like Espers from Final Fantasy VI in that you can just equip it and you suddenly have all the powers of that animal, this psychology of animals lesson is equally ridiculous.
Not all animals are social creatures. A Jurassic movie should know that better than anyone. Yes, it makes sense why Owen would think this to an extent, given he trains raptors and they're social animals, but surely this guy is not stupid enough to believe that all dinosaurs function like velociraptors? The t-rex in the first film was raised in isolation, and she was fine! Because t-rexes generally weren't social creatures. For example, lions live in prides. They are social creatures. Tigers tend to take care of themselves and live on their own.
But ok, let's get away from the mind blowingly idiotic, and terribly immersion-breaking science. This also makes no sense from a basic plot perspective as well. The film literally opens with two of these creatures hatching from eggs. These two indominus rexes are born and raised together. We learned earlier on that they weren't trying to raise it in isolation. There was another dinosaur from which it could learn "social skills." We learned, however, that this one ate the other.
Meaning, it was already a psychopath! Isolation had nothing to do with it. Sure, maybe captivity did, but the isolation is a ridiculous excuse. Like everything else, it was a forced line of dialogue to pull contrived meanings and messages from their asses.
UPDATE: Not to mention, for a creature Owen tells us is a psychopath because it never learned social skills living in isolation, the indominus rex sure does seem to have some pretty solid dino social skills once it runs into the velociraptors.
The conclusion to the t-shirt fight.
What I mean by the "t-shirt fight" is that the final action sequence feels more appropriate to a silly internet-purchased shirt than on a movie screen. But ok, it is so ridiculous that it actually is weirdly entertaining. What starts as four raptors quickly turns into no raptors, but then the t-rex shows up. And then another raptor shows up. And then you've got a t-rex and a raptor fighting the indominus rex. It's looking like a good back-and-forth battle when they force the indominus rex to the edge of the pool.
And then the mosasaur leaps out of the water and grabs the villain by the neck, dragging it into the pool for its next meal. Maybe it's just me, but apart from feeling totally abrupt and anti-climactic, I'm also not sure why no one ever considered that as a possibility. The indominus rex wasn't exactly standing somewhere people wouldn't be.
But mostly, the problem here is that it's just a ridiculous and totally forced conclusion, presumably because they couldn't think of something else like, I don't know, the t-rex and raptor just winning on their own? This might just be me, but I would have found it far more satisfying to see the t-rex win the fight than to see it basically about to lose only to have this random other creature come out of the water and kill the indominus rex instead. I wanted to see the king of the dinosaurs win! Don't know if Trevorrow was channeling his inner George R.R. Martin, but as a viewer, I definitely felt robbed of a satisfying moment.
The human relationships.
If everything involving the raptors and indominus rex weren't enough, the humans don't fair much better. In fact, they're pretty much only there for contrived character beats and emotional cues. The best part might be when Gray - the younger brother - starts crying on the tram completely randomly because he suddenly realizes their parents are getting a divorce. Sure, they hint at trouble in paradise at the beginning with just a moment of bickering from their parents, but it's not really much of a plot thread in the film. Why include it at all?
Further, the entire thing that the older brother is "too mean" is silly too. It barely even comes up. Sure, he's kind of a jerk, but he isn't outright about being mean to his younger brother. I don't even really know where this fits into the movie at all. It is barely existent to begin with, and all it does is build to one brief moment where the two brothers bond in yet another contrived scene (because it doesn't get proper build up or attention).
Even more is the romantic relationship between Claire and Owen, which seems like it's there because it's Hollywood and you need a love story. I talked in my previous article about why this plot is actually pretty terrible (the TL;DR version - Owen doesn't have to change, but in order for Claire to "get him," she must learn to stop prioritizing her career and instead focus on family). Apart from that, there's no reason to care about this relationship either. Other than the opening scene between them, there is practically no chemistry at all between them. They also don't really have any bonding moments at all, other than that they happen to be in peril. Otherwise, their relationship is strictly functional. They're working together to secure the park. In essence, they're both doing their job. It would be a bit like if two doctors worked together to figure out what was wrong with you, figure it out, then start making out.
The entire thing is a contrived "opposites attract" plot, that has no real impact on the story, or really any place within it except that virtually everything in the film is forced.
Nothing about the movie makes any real sense. Everything about it is extremely contrived. It just feels like the ultimate "made it up as we go" movie. A lot of these are reasons the other two sequels get a bad rap. It's true that there are contrived plot elements to the other two - and even the original - but it wasn't this bad. It wasn't this obvious.
And it sure as hell wasn't this damn stupid.
If Jurassic World retains its 71% on Rotten Tomatoes, then there's a real argument to be made that Green Lantern is basically a modern Citizen Kane.
We deserve a better kind of Hollywood blockbuster, one that doesn't need to be entirely idiotic and dumb just so it can sort of resemble "fun." The original film didn't sacrifice that much intellect for "fun." It didn't create a script after they came up with action set pieces. I never thought I'd say it, but Jurassic World makes me miss Jurassic Park III.
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