Having learned a bit from Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice earlier in the year, let me preface everything I am about to say with, "if you liked it, that's fine!" (Can you guess how I felt about this latest piece of superhero destruction porn?)
Singer's latest X-Men movies have sometimes felt like little more than an excuse to unnecessarily explain a minor piece of canon. In Days of Future Past, the entire point of the film was to retcon the original trilogy so that they could either bring back the original cast or so they could have greater freedom to use those characters without continuity clashing. In the former scenario, it was immediately rendered pointless by the fact that the follow up films would not even be taking place in the same decade. In the latter, it was made pointless by the very film it was following! First Class already was an reboot designed to have little to no actual connection to the original trilogy.
This is ultimately the issue with Singer. The continuity of the franchise is almost completely shot, and every time he tries to fix it, it just gets worse. Plus, it winds up distracting from the film he has right in front of him. Apocalypse is constantly trying to be the convergence point for First Class and Days of Future Past, which weren't particularly well connected themselves. At the same time, he's clearly trying to set up the Phoenix saga, all while unnecessarily creating canonical reasons for Xavier to be bald or Storm's hair to be white.
The Apocalypse story almost functions solely to give them something to throw CGI buildings and cars at, that they need to stop at the very last possible second before the entire planet is basically destroyed. Essentially, that entire narrative thread feels completely unexplored and meaningless. So much of what made Singer's X2: United so good is how the villain is really William Stryker, and that he was used to showcase and explore the philosophical differences between Xavier and Magneto.
Here, there is no cohesion. Apocalypse just seems hellbent on ruling the world just because. Or I guess they imply that he's simply corrupted by his power, but who knows? They never really go into detail. He's just pissed at the world when he wakes up because he isn't ruling it. Again, Magneto and Xavier shine in their minimal focus. Michael Fassbender's Magneto is easily going to wind up being the biggest waste of talent and potential from this latest trilogy. It's so good, yet never gets to be the focus!
There's also no real cohesion among any of the mutants themselves. Apocalypse recruits Psyclocke, Magneto, Angel, and Storm to be his minions, but they seem picked at random. For a guy who complains at the end that his Four Horsemen are "useless," he has no one to blame but himself. He literally picked the first four mutants he ran into! Magneto is the only one who has any actual connection to the X-Men, and thus, has any narrative significance.
At the same time, you've got a few of the older X-Men (Beast, Mystique, Xavier, Havok) reuniting. And then there are the new people (Jean Grey, Nightcrawler, Cyclops) who are starting to integrate into the team. Except because the trilogy took a huge detour with Days of Future Past, there isn't really a team to integrate into. The original team of First Class was never supposed to gel perfectly and remain together, but they never allowed the remaining team to become something either, which would have been worth it for this plot element in Apocalypse.
The lack of cohesion among characters means the entire film is scatterbrained and unfocused. Who is this movie supposed to be about? Is it a movie about Xavier, Magneto, Beast, and Mystique finally concluding their arcs as started in First Class? Is it a movie about younger mutants stepping up to take their place on the squad by idolizing and learning from the previous generation? Is it about a disconnect in Xavier and Magneto's philosophies and the way they view the world? Are we supposed to be empathizing with Mystique's complicated viewpoint? Are we supposed to care about the mutants ensnared by the powerful Apocalypse? The answer is that it's a tiny bit of all of those, without actually being any of them.
The other big problem with Apocalypse is this: there aren't really any characters in the movie! Magneto and Xavier are the only ones who have a discernible personality, although slightly limited in that. And really, so much of that is because those two characters got plenty of screen time and focus in the other two films! Singer has a tendency to reduce superhero characters to simply cardboard cut outs with super powers. It seems as though he thinks people like particular characters because of their powers. Sure, the powers can be really cool and all, but people don't like Wolverine because he has claws and can heal really quickly. They like him because he's essentially the no-nonsense badass with a heart of gold. He smokes cigars and says "bub" a lot. He can sniff out bullshit and is unafraid to call people out on it. He's rough on all of the adults, but is surprisingly nurturing and protective of the younger students.
Jean Grey and Cyclops are stripped of any noticeable personality traits and are instead presented as little more than a super power that is insecure about being a super power. They get no room to be anything else, which is unfortunate because that characterization is identical to Beast and Mystique from earlier films. Jean Grey's defining characteristics are that she is a psychic and she feels insecure about her power. Cyclops's defining characteristics are that he can shoot lasers out of his eyes and he feels insecure about it. Beast's defining characteristics are that he can jump around like an animal with some super strength and he feels insecure about it. Mystique is slightly more complex. She can transform her physical appearance into anything she wants. She used to feel secure about it; now she doesn't. But the other thing about her is that she is seen as a hero to many young mutants and she feels insecure about it.
Storm, Psylocke, Angel, and Nightcrawler fair even worse. Psylocke and Angel have almost no characteristics outside of their powers either. Storm and Psylocke are given no motivation to join up with Apocalypse. At least Angel got his wings fixed, so he might be grateful. At the same time, Nightcrawler is reduced to the teleporter used for occasional comic relief. The nuance of his insecurities are completely absent this time around, as is his desire to make meaningful relationships. And his religious faith and German heritage are presented merely as Easter Egg references rather than anything substantial.
Even Quicksilver has minimal characterization. He's funny and he's fast. Unlike most, he does have a reason for being there, more or less. Magneto is his father and...I guess he wants to meet him, or tell him, or...something? Who knows? They don't actually explore that in the slightest. It's almost as if Bryan Singer just thinks that the X-Men are just a super power with one trait, and that trait is either to be kind of funny or really insecure.
Only Magneto and Xavier are allowed to be somewhat more layered and complex. So much of that is because they've had the room to breathe as characters over the trilogy.
The writing is also all over the place. Featuring a number of lines that were either derivative of other films ("those with the greatest powers, protect those without it" isn't such a clever way to rephrase "with great power comes great responsibility") or dialogue straight up lifted from somewhere else ("I want to go check her out - check out the situation..." is a joke cleanly lifted from Ghostbusters), there are just a number of noticeably cheesy moments. "You will never win because you are alone and I am not," was eye roll worthy. The exchange between Jean and Cyclops that had Cyclops actually ask the girl he's known was psychic the very moment he met her, "How do you know what he felt?" could actually make someone groan. Then there are all those "meta" jokes. After Wolverine runs off, Cyclops says that he hopes "that's the last we see of that guy." HA HA HA! GET IT GUYS? HE'S WOLVERINE! THEY'RE TOTALLY GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN! And then there's that whole bit where the students are leaving Return of the Jedi and they're discussing which film was the best in the trilogy. "We can all agree the third one is always the worst," Jean says. HA HA HA! GET IT GUYS? X-MEN 3 WAS TERRIBLE! AND NOW I'M BACK MAKING THE THIRD INSTALLMENT IN ANOTHER X-MEN TRILOGY! HA HA HA!
AREN'T WE SO CLEVER???
But worst of all was that terrible line from Quicksilver, "Ya know, for a guy as fast as me, I always seem to be late," he says after a surprisingly serious and touching speech about how he keeps missing his chance to connect with his biological father. He ends what was actually solid writing with that line, though, and it spoils the whole moment. It shows that the writer and director just don't trust the audience is smart enough to recognize the point of the speech and the personal tragedy behind it. Rather than letting a good moment play out and trusting the audience to recognize the meaning, they have to conclude it with a line of dialogue that specifically summarizes and explains what it is. Many might just shrug it off as nothing major, and maybe it isn't, but to me it comes off as Singer basically saying that he thinks people are too dumb to get his superhero movie or the drama in it.
The lack of focus or time spent on exploring characters really harms the film. It lacks cohesion, making everything feel completely disjointed and, at times, pointless. Even the surprise scene at Weapon X served no real purpose other than to feature a Wolverine cameo. Seriously, what was even the point of that sequence? It has virtually no narrative or structural significance at all. The more you really think about each scene and what its function is, the more you wind up playing this game of cascading "what's the point?" questions.
It's hard to say anything was particularly satisfying. It's always strange to see who Singer decides he's going to kill off and who he's going to pocket for later. (Does he really think people care more about saving Psylocke for more movies than Angel?) Storm's name isn't even used once the entire film, so when she finally comes to the X-Men's aid after seeing her hero Mystique being choked by Apocalypse, it's hard to care much. Even getting our first hint at actual X-Men costumes (sort of) doesn't feel satisfying as it comes at the literal end of the film.
Michael Fassbender's Magneto in Russia with a new family is, however, the only worthwhile aspect of the film. In many respects, it is reminiscent of Wolverine's story in one of his origin story movies. It's heartbreaking to watch, and further builds onto the tragedy he has already seen over his life. The pile-on really creates plenty of reasons to sympathize with him. (Although it does kind of beg the question of why there are never any humans depicted as being tolerant of mutants other than Moira. Magneto literally saved a dude's life, and the regular humans don't even seem even slightly grateful. You'd think at some point, exposure to decent, hard-working, productive members of society mutants would soften some of their opinions on them.)
But overall, it's such a small portion of the film. They've squandered the Magneto material and Fassbender's abilities so thoroughly that there isn't even room for a decent solo flick anymore. It's a shame because, as I've said before, Fassbender as Magneto has been so good!
Someday, we will get an X-Men movie again where they're allowed to be the X-Men, to do X-Men things, and to have something resembling a meaningful allegory attached. If you're going to make a superhero movie, then either make it fun or make it mean something if it's darker. X-Men: Apocalypse does neither. At least Batman v. Superman had some redeeming qualities and did some things pretty well.
Sansa Stark was right, of course. The third movie is always the worst.
REDUCTIVE RANKING: God Awful
(Ranking system: God Awful, Pretty Bad, It's Fine, Pretty Good, Incredible!)
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